Much of today has involved telephoning builders re: sorting out some major structural problems with the garage (ie leaking roof, damp floor, freezing-ness…) My arthritis is flaring up; my thumb and my back are inflamed which is very worrying and means I have to be extra careful about exposing myself to freezing cold over coming months. I had forgotten how debilitating constant pain is, even when it is just something small like the base of one’s thumb, or a line across the bottom of a shoulder-blade. This reminds me of something wise that Isolde said to me recently; her experiences of managing life with a visual impairment are not as useful in dealing with her current aches and pains as her strategies for managing depression. Pain requires less practical management and more in the way of self-care and gentleness. This in turn reminds me of a brilliant line in Pain, by Marni Jackson where the author points out that it is pointless to refer to pain as being either physical or mental, because pain is always emotional.

This is never more apparent than in a time of grieving and I am working on the comforting factor right now, to ease the aches of heart and body. For everyone who is hurting today, I present Comforting Onion Soup and Bread. It is rich and sweet and warming.

Soup Ingredients:
7 onions
3 cloves garlic
3 sticks celery
3 cloves
3 bayleaves
1 stick cinnamon
1 tsp peppercorns
heaped tsp dark brown sugar
1 tsp seasalt
3 dessert spoons Amaretto
3 dessert spoons olive oil
3 dessert spoons of white wine vinegar
pepper
small piece of Parmigiano-Reggiano or similar hard, Italian cheese, to grate

Bread ingredients:
500g strong, white breadflour
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
sachet of dried yeast
2 tsp white, balsamic vinegar
50g extra virgin olive oil
coarse, chunky sea-salt (for sprinkling on the top)
300ml lukewarm water

Instructions:
Begin by putting a tiny amount of water, one tsp of sugar and the sachet of yeast into a cup and leaving somewhere warm to froth up and go creamy.

Peel 3 of your onions (DON’T chop them up at all!) and chop your 3 sticks celery very roughly – just into 3 pieces each so they will fit into a pan. Place these chunky veg into a pan and add about 1 /12 pints of water. To this, add your garlic, cinnamon, cloves, black pepper, bay leaves, and dark brown sugar. Get it to boil, then reduce the heat so it is just bubbling. Leave it to reduce, for about an hour or so. Add water if it gets dry.

Meanwhile, chop the remaining 4 onions into slices and put them in a large frying pan or wok with 3 dessert spoonfuls of olive oil or just a good generous slug. Keep the heat low and stir them occasionally so they don’t brown too much on the bottom. Just fry them like this until they begin to caramelise – 45 mins to an hour on a nice low heat.

While those things are doing, you can make the bread. Your yeast ought to be fluffing up nicely at this stage, so you can mix your flour, salt, oil and sugar in a bowl. Put 2 tsp of white, balsamic vinegar into the lukewarm water and add this liquid to your dough. Knead the mix into a nice, elastic dough, for about 10 mins, then put in a warm place with a damp cloth on top to rise.

Go off and do something which allows you to savour the great smells filling the house. Turn off the onions/stock if you find they are browning or drying; you will return to these when your bread goes into the oven.

When the bread has swelled to about twice its size, preheat the oven to Gas mark 6, (sorry, don’t know conversions…) and when it’s nice and hot, shake some coarse seasalt over the top of your loaf and put it into the oven. I put mine in any old baking tin; a loaf tin, flat tin – whatever you like – will do, so long as the dough is evenly spread to about 2cm tall. While the bread is cooking, return your attention to the onions.

First of all, pour your stock through a sieve into a jug, so you have just the liquid. Reserve the 3 whole onions and 2 pieces of celery; discard all the other solid things from your sieve. Blend the 3 whole onions using a stick blender or similar, and return them to the stock pan with the liquid stock. If the texture is very thick, add more water. You want a runny consistency that loses its shape when you stir it.

Into this liquid, put 1 tsp salt, 3 dessert spoonfuls of white wine vinegar and a good grinding of black pepper. Reheat the fried onions.

When the bread is golden brown on top and sounds hollow on the bottom, remove it from the oven. At this point, stir the onion-soup liquid in with the fried onions and allow the mixture to bubble gently for a minute or so. Once it is warm through, switch off the heat, stir in the Amaretto, and ladle a nice portion into a bowl for yourself. Grate Italian hard cheese over the top, plus some black pepper to taste and another slug of Amaretto if you are feeling really in need of indulgence. Tear off a large piece of the bread and enjoy dunking it in the soup.

Delicious.